Just ate dinner with my gf's family. Introduced as her "friend," not sure how to take that...

Meanjoe · 1 year

Don't take it too badly. As others have said, she probably just didn't want to cause anyone to feel uncomfortable or awkward. I've been with my SO for years and my parents will still introduce him as my "friend" when they know we're dating. I believe they do it so as not to make me feel embarassed (I'm shy) or anything like that. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Talk to your girlfriend and see what she thinks about it, though, since it does bother you.

throwaway124569 · 1 year

Name calling is never acceptable in a relationship. It might happen from time to time during an argument, and it's understandable when it slips out but that does not justify it. When it happens, you shut up, apologize for being disrespectful and insulting (as mature adults in a relationship should), and then you move on.

Some people will disagree with that, that's fine. What matters is that YOU don't like it, you've told her that, and it's up to her to either respect your wishes to stop insulting you that way since it hurts you, or, she can keep on doing it knowing how it makes you feel. That's all that matters. How does calling someone a fucktard, asshole, whatever, during an argument make anything better? It aggravates an already heated situation because you've just given someone another reason to be defensive. Tell your girlfriend that she can be as angry, frustrated, and upset with you as she wants, but to be an adult and keep the insults to herself and if she can't? Apologize. Justifying it by saying you're difficult to argue with it, does not make it okay. Same thing goes for you if you ever do it to her.

whatshouldidoyo · 1 year

Frankly, I don't think he was that much of a jerk. A little creepy with the email, breaking up with you and then always coming back, though. He found out he was going to be a father, got excited, and in a split second had it yanked away from him without even any say in it. Fair? No, not really, and it's understandable that he was messed up from it all. Doesn't excuse him going to your family, but it doesn't seem like you cared to take his feelings into consideration either.

I'm all for a woman being able to decide what happens to her body but you should never be having sex with anyone if you haven't discussed what would happen in the case of an accidental pregnancy. Some people would be okay with abortion, others won't be, it happens and it's something you need to talk about before anything happens to avoid situations like these.

You kind of put yourself here, and I can't really feel too bad for you when you couldn't even pretend to consider anything he was feeling on this. A pregnancy doesn't leave only the female an emotional trainwreck, you know.

iamroosh · 1 year

Sorry to hear what you went through. I could sit here and say I understand and that you have a right to be upset (you do); and say a myriad of reasons for why she acted the way she did just so that I try and see both sides but I feel that might be pointless. What it boils down to is that you were sick and needed to go to the hospital - she didn't care enough to be there for you. That says a lot. Somewhere in your relationship, things have broken down to the point where she sees this as a small non-issue and doesn't realize that hospital+husband= serious no matter what the problem is.

I'd be just as upset as you are though you really shouldn't have been driving...By the way, I see some people saying you were being a baby about this but I've experienced what you have. I woke up in the middle of the night choking because I couldn't breathe through either my nose or mouth due to having sinus issues (maybe it was phlegm, for me too). Didn't go to the hospital though, but that was mainly because I didn't have the time to dial a phone. The most I could get at the time was someone pounding on my back until I could breathe again, and that was minutes after trying to communicate that I needed help. To anyone saying he's a baby - go imagine not being able to breathe at all and then come back and see if you still believe he was just whining. Even if he was, his wife is still supposed to be able to muster up some compassion and understanding because he feels something is important.

za_general · 1 year

He thinks a slap is unfair because it's not like he aimed for my ear or had any control over distance.

And he's right for more than just that reason. Hitting is NEVER alright. He accidentally got you in the ear, it wasn't intentional and it didn't do you any damage, did it? I'm guessing you can still hear out of that ear, no? He made an innocent mistake and you're expecting more understanding out of the guy you smacked because of something so stupid.

I say a slap isn't unreasonable after the SHOCK of someone jizzing in your ear.

I'd say you're wrong. Gross? Yeah. Warranting hitting your SO? Fuck no. What if he slapped you because you burned dinner? Would that be okay if it was a reaction to how you screwed up his meal or would you call that an unfair, disgusting overreaction? If you think it would be the latter, then you know what he probably thinks of you. He keeps bringing it up because his girlfriend hit him because of a complete accident and he's still upset about it - rightfully so. You were completely unreasonable and if that's your first reaction then you seriously need to consider reigning in your aggression. If after 3 months my boyfriend smacked me over something so stupid I'd probably dump his sorry ass (and who knows, maybe he's thinking the same thing?). Apologize. Again. And go pick up a book/do some meditating/whatever, in order to handle that aggression.

youdontknowwhoiam · 1 year

I see no sense in downvoting your comment. This kind of practice isn't exactly done with 100% safety and care of the female in mind. I don't know what the situation was for the OP's girlfriend but it isn't uncommon for people to use ANYTHING sharp without much sterilization of tools and the environment it is performed in. Perfectly legitimate question to ask, all things considered (er..minus that last sentence that isn't really related to the OPs question :P).

HearAndNow · 1 year

If you're naturally like that then you aren't going for the kind of girl that will make you happy and appreciate you. If you haven't found anyone yet that allows you to completely be yourself (without them thinking you're needy) then change something. If you naturally go for the loud/vocal knock-out, open your mind and consider the quiet cute girl/the shy one (hey, we can be awesome too!), or something.

Change it up and you might get lucky and find someone you can be happy with! If a girl makes you feel clingy just because you put her first, then don't waste your time with her once you see that happening. It doesn't mean she's a bad person or anything, it's just obviously not what will make you happy and not the best match. Good luck and you're welcome! ;)

HearAndNow · 1 year

I hate this argument. Seriously. Look, I like nice guys. In fact, a nice guy will turn my head faster than the world's supposedly "hottest" guy or any other kind of guy. Got a severe case of nerdiness going on? If you're a nice guy, I can dig it and probably anything else if you're just a genuinely good guy. Nice guys attract me. But it depends...are you being fake nice? Do you think that if you pretend to be nice (or maybe just be too nice because you think you should be) that it'll work in your favour? It's as much about being yourself and being confident as it is being kind, sweet, appreciative and thoughtful. That's where the balance comes from.

Illah put it well - a nice guy is someone that puts a partner before himself (note: girls should be doing this with partners too, it shouldn't be one sided). If you're naturally like that; awesome. If you have to force it, it just doesn't work. Either way, there's no sense in being so bitter about it. Honestly, the nice guys finish last thing is bullshit and nothing more. If you haven't found a woman to appreciate you or a right match yet, then take a look at the kind of girls you're drawn to and deviate from that pattern. Ever think maybe you're going after a set type of female that just isn't a good match for you while ignoring potentially nicer/appreciative ones?

ThrowAwayMyHeart1215 · 1 year

I know you don't want to break up with him, but do consider what life will be like five, ten, twenty years from now if you two decide to settle down. You gained ten pounds after an accident and a couple surgeries, it isn't because you were lazy and didn't try. He isn't even taking that into account, nor does he seem to care that the exercise you are getting now is a lot considering all that you've been through.

Saying you should be happy he didn't just dump you is mindblowing. It's okay to be concerned about things but he didn't consider your feelings, the effort you've put into getting back to normal, or anything about your situation at all. The two of you are supposed to be able to raise concerns while still being respectful and understanding and...he wasn't. At all. Talk to him again and go over again how hurtful he was to you. I seriously question how he will act in the future when you are older and weight is harder to lose or; when you are pregnant. Maybe that's something you should bring up with him, too. How much worse would you feel if you put on pregnancy pounds and he was even more seemingly disgusted with you? Talk to him, see if he understands where you're coming from and if he doesn't then maybe you really should consider walking if he doesn't care how insensitively he is treating you.. Good luck.

ThrowAwayMyHeart1215 · 1 year

That's a bit harsh. She didn't say anything wrong; it's just a preference that she doesn't dig balding men. Should I hate on you if you don't like girls/guys that wear glasses or are a bit chubby? I hope you don't ever turn anyone down because of something like that. And if you don't and you can find something to like in potential partners of all shapes, sizes and styles, (etc), then you're a pretty awesome dude. Don't take it so personally, it's a preference, though one the SO probably could have phrased better.

Also..wear what you have proudly. Some of the hottest guys (to me) have sported the bald look; it's more about the confidence in what you are/have, then what you're missing. :)

bitchpleeease · 1 year

How do I change this?

You don't. It's understandable if you only want close friends around for your get together and you're entitled to do that if you so choose. However, it is incredibly rude and selfish of you to explicitly say his SO is not invited. You've got some seriously bad manners for an almost 30 year old woman and you have the gall to call her the bitch?

It's fine if you don't like her, but it really shouldn't come as that much of a surprise to you that couples do things together. I see that your relationship is different, and that works fine for you and it's great, but he is NOT your SO. You asked him along, he stood up to you - yes, I realize you'd rather he stood up to her but you know what? He isn't in love with you, he loves her, he's in a committed relationship with her and he seems smart enough to realize that he has to pick his battles (and he did assert himself - with you) whereas you didn't get that memo.

Your hate for her doesn't sound like any little secret. He's well aware that she feels slighted by being purposely kept out of the loop and that you detest her enough to not want her there. He's the sensible person compared to you because he made it easy on you - he declined the invite if you hate her so much that you can't accommodate them as a couple. It means you can have dinner with your other friends and be a bit more cheerful than you would be if she came and it means that she doesn't feel like he doesn't give a crap about how you treat her. You, on the other hand, are a raging bitch that put him in a crappy situation where he has to choose between a friend and his girlfriend. What good friend does that? He has made her a priority over you as he should. Her feelings come first, yours? Tough, you're not dating and you put up an awful lot of crap for someone that has zero interest in him whatsoever. You gave him a choice, he declined. Stop shitting on the guy and putting pressure on him and just accept that he made his decision. Either invite his SO, or strap on your big girl pants and get over him not being at your get together with your "key few friends" and go have fun with them. Easy.

You either include her or you will certainly lose him as a friend very soon. If you really cared about him and really wanted to see him that much, you'd suck it up and invite her so you could spend some time with him. Clearly you don't, otherwise you would have never put him in such a position to begin with.

I explained that this had nothing to do with the girlfriend, and that she needed to act like a mature adult and accept the fact that she was not invited and couldn't invite herself along.

The irony.

bobafap · 1 year

You should be more concerned with him being okay with it for "a little while" in his words. There's nothing wrong with having sex with a virgin, just not this one.

He told you he would be okay with the no-strings sex for a little while which means he's most likely hoping it would develop into an actual relationship at some point. It means he will want more and who knows, it's possible for him to get attached and since you don't want that, it's best to leave him alone. If he understands that you don't want it to go any further than sex and he's okay with it, go for it. Otherwise leave him be so you don't end up crushing this guy/breaking his heart since he seems set on something more.

throwaway1619 · 1 year

Not worth the risk. Wait a couple years until she's 18 and then pursue her if you're still interested. Otherwise, move on and find someone else.

throwaway1619 · 1 year

Because sometimes it's actually necessary?

I have a friend that was a stupid 16 year old (like most of us are at that age) that had an older guy take notice in her, too. He used her like trash and took advantage of her because he merely thought she was a "good lay". Since then she's been fucked up beyond belief because she was too young and immature to really see what kind of relationship she was in. Too busy caught up in the "older guy likes me" headrush.

Sometimes 16 isn't old enough to realize who to date/fuck, like it or not.

throwaway1624 · 1 year

If you can't even believe that she didn't instigate any of it, how can you trust her when she says it won't happen again?

throwaway1624 · 1 year

At first I was going to say the distance had a lot to do with it. Been there - we picked fights over stupid things, we argued constantly over nothing, and it was because of the stress of the LDR. It worked out, anyway for us. I was with you until this:

She hasn't exactly ever cheated on me but she goes out constantly, grinds with other guys, and has even been kissed by a few of them. ...

Yeah...she doesn't feel the same about you, sorry to say. She shouldn't even be putting herself in a situation where any guy can kiss her and so far it's happened multiple times. One time a guy misunderstands her and makes a move - okay, that can happen. But a few of them? No. They aren't just randomly all jumping on her, she's doing something to instigate it. That should tell you something. Mainly that she's incredibly immature and self centered. If she loves you as much as you love her, then she wouldn't be doing those things she knows will hurt you. Honestly, why waste your time giving her more chances when she's already proven that she doesn't take any of this seriously?

lol0909 · 1 year

I'm not much older than you but I can tell you that you're in for a hell of a surprise then. It goes both ways. She should care about those things for herself, not for you. Doing it so you get a nice view of her is a bonus and something she should be thinking of. But she is right because you're supposed to love her regardless of her little flaws just like she should with you. And if you two can't be fully happy with one another then why waste the time staying together?

I agree with her doing it if you shave off your facial her because she prefers it. Now that I can understand because for all I know, maybe you dig sporting a beard but have to sacrifice that to make her happy. But at the end of the day nothing changes - relationships are about sacrifice and loving/respecting one another regardless of flaws. Now that I know she has you shave your facial hair because it bugs her, I do think it would be only fair of her to do the same. But fuck, respect goes both ways. My SO of around a decade has said he wouldn't care if I didn't want to shave my legs or dress up; he'd love me just the same. Would I stop doing that just because he says I can? Hell no. It's for my comfort, not his, but him being happy with me doing those things is an added bonus.

When you have a little stubble going, does she tell you how nasty and ugly you look and belittle you for it? I should hope not but dude, the way you talk about it makes it seem like you don't even really like her. Some would say superficiality is goddamn nasty, too...maybe she doesn't care because she thinks that of you now? Go your separate ways; neither of you seem too invested in this and that's fine if true. You're young at 20, go discover other relationships and find someone you can be happy with.

lol0909 · 1 year

Is this the only thing she isn't taking care of or has she been letting herself go in general?

Look, she's right - after two years she should be good enough for you just the way she is; flaws and all. That's part of love and relationships, sorry, but its true. She should take care of those little flaws on her body because she wants to, not because you want her to. Not shaving off the lip hair is in no way a lack of self respect. If anything, she seems to have a better grip on who she is and loving herself despite what people (I.E. her beau of two-years) say is wrong with her. Too many girls out there only shave/wax/wear the revealing outfits for other people and not for themselves; she doesn't sound like one of them and I applaud her for that.

Having said that, it kind of makes you sound like a dick. You're allowed to be dissatisfied for whatever reason you can think of, but it takes a special kind of guy to tell someone that some extra hair means they have no self respect. That's a putdown in disguise. It's okay to address a concern, but that's pushing the limit and it sounds like you're shitting on her because of it. So why should she say anything but "whatever" to you about it when it sounds like you're just putting her down?

Now, regardless of what I think, if it bugs you there are two things you can do: accept that maybe she merely doesn't want to get rid of it and she's fine that way or leave and find a girl you can be fully happy with. You're entitled to do that if you wish, but don't go around thinking your partner is obligated to do every little thing you want just to keep you happy - she doesn't have to in the least. At 20 you still have a lot of growing up to do. I guarantee you, five years from now you'll look back and see things differently.

Either decide if it's important enough to ruin a relationship over or find a way to get past it and move on if the relationship is good otherwise.

ihither · 1 year

Good to hear. Make sure you never act this way with anyone ever again. Good luck with the future and hopefully counselling helps you.

Is she getting counselling too? She needs it, any suicidal urges should be addessed and talking to a professional is where she could start.

ihither · 1 year

Yeah, you may be sorry but don't bother "prettying" it up by saying she can kick your ass and t hat she's safe. Her boyfriend just fucking punched her in the stomach. It doesn't matter how strong she is, what self defense techniques she knows, you have NO right to make any excuse. Saying "I am sorry but she's stronger than me anyway" is absolutely pathetic.

You both need therapy. Punching someone, anyone, female or not, because they're frustrating you isn't healthy. You need anger management classes and counseling - and she needs therapy too. If anything this should teach you both to run in the opposite direction. You because it must be difficult to always wonder what suicidal thoughts your partner is entertaining and her because you clearly are not over your aggressive teenage behaviour. You may be 21, but you still act like a child; no man would hit someone like that because he can't control his frustrations.

I hope you both walk away for your own sakes. Edit: She shouldn't be hitting you either. What's wrong with you two, get some help..

shittingmypants · 1 year

But did you talk to her and ask her why she couldn't get the rest? You don't mention if she said anything about that. If you did and her answer was along the lines of "it was just easier" then your frustration is much more justifiable. But we don't know if anything else got in the way. I'm just putting out ideas about it; she could very well have been drained, for example. After working a late shift do you really want her to be driving any longer than absolutely necessary in the aftermath of a bad storm when she's most likely very tired? Would you rather get most of the stuff as opposed to all if it meant she didn't have to drive in possibly dangerous conditions? I grew up with a parent that worked those long shifts, and I've been in the car when they had to go do extra things before getting home and it can leave you cranky as hell - and really, REALLY in a dangerous spot particularly in the winter.

If it was any other time (say, if she wasn't working that day), would she have gone the extra mile, so to speak? If this is a one time thing and not a constant one, then let it go. You can't fault her for having her own things to worry about but still making sure to get most of what she can for you. Be grateful, voice your concerns if you need to, but really you should be focusing on relaxing and getting better.

shittingmypants · 1 year

She's a pharmacist, so its not like its back breaking labor.

Ouch. You do realize pharmacists don't sit on their butts all day relaxing, right? They're on their feet the majority of the time and I'm assuming 3rd shift is late night/early morning? Do you really need to belittle her that way just because you're sick?

Am I supposed to be sucking it up or is she out of line?

Honestly, other than her asking you to come out and shovel (if you're that sick, she can brave the driveway and walk through the snow), you should be thankful that she took the time after working a shift at 3 in the morning, to bring you the items you needed. What was so special about the items that you didn't want her to get them in a gas station? Most gas stations have necessary items for what you'd need - toilet paper, immodium/other medicine for the ailments you were having, what else did you ask her? It seems like a bit much that you go searching for her receipt and get upset that she didn't go where you wanted her to and it isn't very grateful at all, particularly if she got what you asked for anyway.

That said, just because you're having a crappy (sorry) 3 days, it doesn't mean she can't feel the stress of a long work day, either, you know. Being that ill is much worse than a little tiredness but be careful with what you say - you may end up starting a trivial pattern of "who's got it worse" and that just minimalizes either of your troubles. She did something nice for you, regardless. You should be more annoyed about her asking you to come out and shovel in your condition than her not going to the store you wanted. Though...did you ask her why she didn't just go to a supermarket? Perhaps it was closed so early, maybe the storm prevented her, did you ask before you decided to get pissed off about it?

You both ought to apologize because you've both acted unfavourably and quite selfishly...and being sick (you) or tired (her) isn't an excuse for it.

studakris · 1 year

Thoughtful people like you make the world a little brighter. Thank you :)

Throwawaydoozie · 1 year

The first decision you make should be to bring this up with him. Have you addressed his alcoholic and manipulative tendencies with him? If you truly are in love with him, then you need to give him a chance to hear your concerns and work on them. If you've never done this then he might not be aware of just how much his behaviour and attitudes affect you. The reality that you're contemplating leaving over these issues will force him to take this seriously and listen to your concerns and hopefully alleviate them.

None of us are perfect, we're all flawed and we don't always grow up in a home filled with the best habits, attitudes, and beliefs. You need to talk to him before you decide to sacrifice either your happiness or your relationship because depending on the severity (how is he manipulative, examples? how often does he drink, is he always drunk?) Also please clarify, which behaviour around children has he exhibited that discomforts you?

sirfartalot · 1 year

Yup, you do; and thanks for the clarification, I understand it better now. It sounds like you're always willing to do things for her because thats the kind of person you are. And thats fine, just as its fine for her to want to be taken care of but its not merely gender roles here, it's also about respect. She couldn't respect you if you didn't/couldn't afford to pay for everything for the two of you? That's just harsh..Really. Just walk away from this knowing that not all of us women are like that. I'm betting not even half have that mentality...and be glad you're not with her any longer.

And said that I can't really put myself in her place because I have never been a girl.

I think she's grasping at straws here. Ignore that. Yes, there are things you won't really understand about us females but that goes both ways. In this case she's just playing the "you don't know what it's like but trust me all us girls are like that" card and well, she's wrong.

throwawayjane

TROPHY CASE

throwawayjane

TROPHY CASE

you'll need to login or register to do that

create a new account

login