Today I witnessed a young man get rejected by his parents in public for being gay. What's the saddest thing you've witnessed happen to someone else in public?

Pixshel · 8 days

For anyone wondering, here's the link to the aforementioned site. Really helpful resources.

Pixshel · 9 days

I just found the website, thanks for mentioning it. Sorry you had to go through the experience as well. :(

It's hard as a kid to understand what is so wrong with the relationship and you spend so much time just trying to make them happy when it always makes you feel like shit. hugs

Pixshel · 9 days

Not observed, but experienced.

In Washington, D.C., 12 years old with my mother on one of her business trips. We were standing at the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial Wall and (being a kid) I started saying that the wall was boring and I wanted to go to the Smithsonian Museum of Science. The more insistent I became the more it enraged my mother until she snapped and started screaming at me that she wanted to do adult things and that since she was the one paying for the trip I had to do what she said.

I made the mistake of protesting some more.

In retaliation, she grabbed me by my ponytail and pulled me by the hair through the park while I cried in pain and humiliation. About a minute into this we pass a woman and her child on the walkway. The other mother looked dumbfounded but managed to say "Be careful! Children are gifts."

My mom stopped in her tracks, stared the woman down and threw my hair out of her hand before snarling at the woman, "Yeah? If she's such a gift then you fucking take her." She turned and kept walking while the mother, daughter and I shared a tense, silent moment. Then I bolted after my mom trying to keep up with her as she stormed back to the hotel, crying for her to wait up. Not once did she look back at me.

When I caught up to her at the hotel she pulled me by the wrist into the room, threw me down on the bed and proceeded to take all of my books and the hotel's TV cable. Then she left. I sat on that bed until well after dark silently crying and not knowing when she'd get back. When she did, she acted like nothing had happened.

I often wonder about that intervening woman in the park and what might have happened if I'd had the gumption to just stay there with her instead of chasing down my crazy rage mom.

tl;dr Some of us just get stuck with narcissistic rage parents but at least we get glimpses of what nice parents look like. Therein lies hope.

hotballsjohnson · 4 months

Two words: harm reduction.

monte41 · 5 months

When I taught sex ed in a high school Bayard Rustin was one of the main figures I taught about when we discussed the struggle for LGBT rights. They were always impressed and annoyed that they never heard about him in other classes. I wrote a post about him last spring that has a clip from a documentary you may or may not have seen before.

(His name was actually the first thing I searched for on this thread. Thank you for your work and taking time to do this AMA.)

PrancingPeach · 6 months

I was a TA and a Grad TA. The guidelines were simply that if you have no direct authority over their grade it's fine to date. But in reality you should just wait until the end of the semester or tell her she has to get help from a different TA in order for you to go out.

pixel8 · 6 months

This was eloquent but difficult to read, especially this passage: "He talked to himself. He paced back and forth compulsively, shuffling along the same six-foot path for hours on end."

Ten years later and I still pace compulsively.

silenceisdanger · 6 months

Halloween: Needs More Mustache

silenceisdanger · 8 months

Thank you. I have nothing against anyone based on their geographic location nor their religion, I'm just sad about the lack of oversight that state governments enforce. That keeps them going.

2dangerous · 9 months

Just make sure to use it every single day. Even when you're overdue for a wax you can still get ingrowns since the hair grows in 4-6 week cycles. It's like magic.

2dangerous · 9 months

One more product to add on: PFB

I wax regularly (this is not about pleasing any partner, I just LOVE the way a bare vulva lips feel during any and all sexual activities: So, so sensitive) and use this every day. No ingrown hairs ever!

But your BF has no call to demand you shave. At all.

littlemew · 9 months

Not an M.D. There's nothing wrong at all with using the term STD and it's certainly accurate to describe anything symptomatic. Most people recognize that term more readily than STI. But, all the same, the infection/disease distinction is why sex educators and people in the sexual health field prefer to use the term STI when speaking about them in general.

And I'm kind of confused by the "post-hoc rationalization" thing. The comment pointing out the distinctions is the first comment I left on this thread.

littlemew · 9 months

Alcoholism is a hereditary disease with specific, identifiable symptoms. It is not an infection.

littlemew · 9 months

No rationalization. I'm simply explaining why STI is a more accurate term. I have a Master's in Sexuality Studies and it's my job to know these things.

But, that said, if you wish to continue using the term STD you're more than welcome. The bigger obstacle to encouraging testing and reducing stigma is getting people to talk about it without freaking out.

ETA: I also want to point out that not all diseases are communicable. So infection really is a more accurate term to describe the little microbes that love hitching a ride through genitals, fluids other mucousy membranes.

littlemew · 9 months

Disease = You have symptoms. Infection = You have microbes.

Many people don't exhibit symptoms when they have an STI and that's why the terminology has been updated. It has nothing to do with being politically correct.

-A sex educator.

Lonelyandsadd · 9 months

At some point, I think most people have those moments where they think, "I can't end this relationship! What if I never find anyone and die alone and sad in a house full of screeching cats?!" No? Ok, maybe that's just me.

Reading through this post I see lots of red flags for the stability of this relationship. Expecting and a partner to support him and then wanting to end it because he sees you won't be able to is a BIG red flag. This is not a good thing for relationships to be based on. From what you're writing here he sounds generally confused, unsure and ultimately flighty. This is a recipe for massive relationship problems. Why put yourself through the ringer? You deserve better than that.

My advice: back away from him. You may have the fear you won't find someone else, but so do many other people and it's not a good dating motivator. You absolutely have a shot with someone else. It could be next month or it could be a decade from now. Whenever it might be, it's no reason to suffer for someone else.

In a world of able bodied images I understand how you might feel that you'd be "left with nothing." You might want to connect online with other people dealing with sex and disability. A colleague of mine runs the blog "Crip Confessions" and holds an MA in Sexuality Studies so maybe you'd like to ping her for further resources. Also check out this post from Dr. Charlie Glickman about an SF "Sexuality and Disability Support Group" that has plenty of other resources embedded in it.

TL;DR You don't need to put up with his emotional whiplash. You'll meet someone better.

Idiotofthecentury · 9 months

Many people look at porn and have no problems with either the activity or their partner's reaction to it. Humans are both curious and sexual creatures so it makes sense why watching other people performing sexually in order to arouse the viewer is attractive. We also have rich and active imaginations so many people fantasize about others with whom they might never sleep.

Talking to your GF: try figuring out what the underlying issue is. Does she feel insecure because you're looking at photos of other naked women? Did she have a negative with it at some point? Does her upbringing simply dictate that porn is an absolute evil?

Once you figure out what's going on with her try to address the issue to the best of your ability while staying within a compromise you find reasonable. Realize that if you really do enjoy looking at porn and you try to shelve this in an attempt to make her happy it could come up as an issue later, probably if your relationship goes through a rough patch or you're feeling bored sexually.

iregreteverything · 9 months

I currently have an ex trying to win me back and we're dating a bit right now so I can tell you what he's doing that's winning me over.

1) Speaking from the heart. He admitted how he fucked up (it was pretty egregious), told me how he felt, and asked for me to reconsider him.

2) Listening. He let me have my say and express my anger about how our relationship imploded the first time around, responded that he understood why I was so mad and recognized there were things he could work on.

3) Demonstrating change/reliability in a consistent manner. So far so good. He's been on time, responded to my messages and followed through with his promises. This is worth more than gold.

4) Respecting boundaries. Once trust is broken, sex can be really weird and I haven't wanted to traverse those waters again with him until I'm really sure.

Above all, don't hinge your happiness on being in a relationship with this girl. Life happens in surprising ways and you may get with her or not, possibly break up in the future or stay together forever, find a happy home with her or meet someone else that completely blows your mind. You don't know.

And about the money thing:

Love that rests on money or gifts sits upon a shaky foundation at best. Anyone can go into a store and buy something. Words spoken with sincerity are worth more than we realize.

texel9000 · 9 months

Avoid restaurants, learn to cook foods she can eat. She'll be impressed that you took the extra step.

If a home-cooked meal isn't an option I second posbleak's suggestion to call ahead. Kitchens get hectic and it's possible that they might miss omitting the allergen from a dish.

throwaway655321 · 9 months

Give her time and let her come to you. Oftentimes trying to push things into relationship zone will make the other person bolt, especially if they're fresh out of an LTR.

Find something to distract yourself if you feel like you're obsessing. Take a class, go running find a hobby, etc. If you're falling for her it's likely that you have elevated levels of dopamine which can spur the kind of obsessive romantic focus you're describing.

silenceisdanger · 9 months

Sorry, I'm just now seeing this comment. Feel free to repost.

dee_nice_87 · 9 months

[DISCLAIMER: It's pretty impossible to diagnose something based off of a text description. A visit with your medical provider is really the best way to go.]

A few possibilities:

1) Vaginitis. A catch-all term for any burning/irritation/discomfort of the vagina. It can be caused by an infection, bacteria, etc. Do you both clean up before sex? Always a good idea to wash your hands since they're carrying a payload of organisms from day-to-day activities. (Another possiblity: vulvodynia.)

2) Decreased lubrication leading to chafing. Birth control, stress, diet, smoking, and dehydration can all affect the lubey-ness of your nether regions. I see you mentioned using lube but my question would be: what kind? Many popular brands of lube contain glycerin, a sugar byproduct than can cause vaginal irritation. If you're at all sensitive you can end up throwing the delicate balance inside your vagina out of whack. Also: people can develop latex sensitivities which lead to a burning sensation when using latex products.

3) Scar tissue/ovaries. It's possible that removal of scar tissue affected hormone production in your ovaries and is impacting sex drive as well as physical level of self lubrication. If I could suggest any lube to you, it would be "Pleasureglide" a glycerin-free lube I've heard Ob-Gyns recommend to women with sensitivities.

mrfook123456789 · 9 months

My dick is afraid of condoms because they suck

Ways to make condoms not suck: 1) Put fresh lube on the INSIDE and the OUTSIDE of condoms. 2) Wear ones that fit. Would you ever wear shoes that didn't fit? Exactly.

girlsloveboysandshit · 9 months

Step 1: Tell her it makes you feel insecure about the relationship.

Step 2: Listen to what she says.

Step 3: Accept it and trust her.

Step 4: Profit.

(Also: does she do this with females as well? Because she's probably simply an affectionate person. Don't destroy that in her.)

silenceisdanger

TROPHY CASE

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