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[–]fishwish 110 points111 points ago

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  • Plan a day to move.

  • Arrange for an apartment. Don't set up a forwarding address with the post office.

  • Make sure all of your bills come to you on-line instead of by mail.

  • Have a computer ready at the new apartment ready to go.

  • Take a day off work & when you know she will be at work. Turbo pack your stuff, hire movers to help you get it done fast. Don't worry about setting up your new place as much as getting everything over there.

  • If you have any documented proof of her threatening to kill herself keep it in a folder handy.

  • Be waiting when she gets out of work, in front of the apartment or house in the open where everyone can see to avoid issues of false accusations.

  • Break up with her when she arrives. Tell her you have already packed up and moved. Be nice, but firm. Don't say anything that may give her lingering hope about the relationship. If she threatens to kill herself or implement self harm, call the police and report it. Hand them the folder of any evidence of prior threats of self harm.

  • Go to your new apartment. Make a phone call to her parents. Tell them about the break up and the prior threats of suicide &/or self harm. Tell them you are sorry but you just can't deal with it any more & ask them to check in on her and make sure she gets adequate help if she needs it.

  • Cut all contact. Delete from facebook. Set e-mails from her to autodelete with a filter. Don't even read them. Hit the gym.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]SomGuy 38 points39 points ago

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Actually, if she threatens to off herself again, you could just call the cops and have them take her in for a 48-hour psych observation. That should be plenty of time to pack and leave.

[–]JeanHarlow 8 points9 points ago

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Definitely. Have her committed. Suicidal ideation should be dealt with by professionals.

[–]fishwish 21 points22 points ago

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The reason for collecting existing evidence of threats of self harm, is that a judge can and will order someone into therapy (or even emergency therapy) if that person is deemed a potential threat to anyone's safety, including their own.

It gives the judge the evidence she needs to order help, even if she isn't owning up to it at the time. If you don't have the evidence & she makes verbal threats of self harm, still call the police, report what you have been told. You have done your duty. Just tell the police you are sorry, but you can't be held hostage to her suicide threats anymore and you are doing the only sensible thing and getting away now.

If she doesn't make any threats at that time, good. Just call her parents & let them know so they can keep an eye out for her. It's their responsibility from there on through.

[–]fishwish 5 points6 points ago

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Those are just my thoughts. Let others weigh in on the matter. But pretty much everyone who has been in your position has come down to the position that you can't be held hostage by someone else's suicide threats. Your best choice is to leave and cut all contact. You cannot be held responsible for someone else's well being or stupid decisions.

Consider posting in r/suicide. Lurk there too & post there for emotional support. You'll get the big picture there sooner rather than later. That topic comes up there somewhat frequently.

[–]edmond_dantes 8 points9 points ago

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Fucking excellent post. Sensible, practical and compassionate advice. Fuck yeah. Full marks.

[–]kryoptor 0 points1 point ago

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very fitting username

[–]uppercrust -1 points0 points ago

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Perfect advice.

[–]spraguep 18 points19 points ago

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I'm guessing the suicide threat is just a method of controlling you. Sounds like it is working...

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]WorldLeader 5 points6 points ago

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Hey dude, you're basically dead anyway. You can't have the life you want, and you are living in misery; she is just being vapid and blackmailing you. Either you choose to start living again, or stay dead.

Honestly, as terrible as it sounds don't let the possibility of her killing herself stop you. Refer her to a doctor or put her on the suicide watch list, but don't intervene personally. Just leave her.

[–]mrowmrif2 1 point2 points ago

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This made me think of another suggestion:

Go apeshit on her and threaten to kill YOURSELF instead. then hang up/leave and go hang out with some friends/play videogames with your cell turned off. might wanna warn your family/friends you are doing that ahead of time so they can ignore her phone calls as well... otherwise you may find yourself in a mental hospital when she starts freaking out and calls the world saying you are suicidal. ...that actually might be hilarious of a backfire, too. Reddit that shit when/if.

[–]pinklibra 0 points1 point ago

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Hilarious! :)) Made me laugh hard just thinking about it :))

[–]mrowmrif2 0 points1 point ago

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seriously though, at best she's pissed that you lied to her, making the breakup easy... at worst who cares what she does, at least it'll be funny.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points ago

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she won't kill herself. and if she fucking does, you didn't do it, you leaving didn't do it, she did.

[–]TheUltimateDouche 48 points49 points ago

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DOCUMENT ALL HER THREATS OF SUICIDE AND MENTAL BREAKDOWNS. THEN KILL HER AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE. YOU'RE FREE

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points ago

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I love how the delivery is always basically the same but whether this gets up or downvoted is almost totally random

[–]RedMarble 7 points8 points ago

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FACT: If you downvote TUD, you lose.

[–]getfarkingreal 1 point2 points ago

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I think my favorite is that he's been hitting twoxchromosomes a lot lately.. It makes you wonder

[–]l_one 0 points1 point ago

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Oh TheUltimateDouche, how I love reading your comments. You sir are a gentleman and a scholar. ...and possibly also Tucker Max.

[–]JordanJO 6 points7 points ago

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I've been in a few relationships like this. Every time, I swear I wont again, but then I charge right back in, sticking my dick in the light socket. I cannot say this strongly enough:

Get out. You cannot take responsibility for her actions.

[–]powersaucebar 3 points4 points ago

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I can relate to your situation. Earlier this year I broke up with my severely depressed wife. I spoke to her parents and doctor first. A week after the break up she attempted suicide and VERY nearly died. Did this upset me? Hell yes! Did I feel guilty or responsible? Hell no. How she dealt with the break up was entirely HER choice. Please don't sacrifice your own happiness. Life is too short to not be truly happy.

[–]Outofmany 3 points4 points ago

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I was in the same situation - I can not tell you how much worse you're making by staying. Leaving sooner rather than later is the answer, make it sudden.

[–]theL0rd 2 points3 points ago

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been there. get out now

[–]Saydrah 13 points14 points ago

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I've been in this situation, with the genders reversed. I feel your pain and if I could give you a big hug and tell you in person that sacrificing yourself won't make her mentally healthy, I would. But all I have to offer is an Internet comment.

First of all, I would talk to her parents before the breakup. Tell them that their daughter is suicidal and that you intend to end the relationship but you don't want her to commit suicide. Give them a chance to rearrange their schedules to be with her as soon as you leave. If you have a good relationship at all with any of her friends, pick a close one who you can trust and tell them, too, and have them prepared to go over and be with her the minute you leave. She will probably be in crisis and in need of constant supervision for a few days at least--have that lined up before you go.

From now until when you leave, respond to suicide threats with, "If you are suicidal, you need immediate professional help. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't seek that help for you when I heard you say you want to kill yourself. If you are suicidal, I am calling an ambulance and we will go to the hospital to get you help now. Are you suicidal?"

Don't start fights or feed the chaos in the relationship. Don't accuse her of anything. In fact, stop telling her about how you feel about the relationship until you are ready to leave. You've made a decision. Dragging out the process is not going to change anything; it'll just prolong the amount of time that she feels this emotionally vulnerable and the length of time that you have to feel responsible for her mental health. Just step away from the emotional involvement with her and be practical for the rest of the relationship.

Make your plans to leave, make sure you have someone ready to go be with her when you do, and then leave. Change your phone number and block her number and her email address and her IM handles. Be watchful of your surroundings; if she finds you and stalks you, get a restraining order. But I think it is more likely you'll have the same experience I did--once the festering wound of the relationship is gone, no matter how desperately the suicidal person thought they wanted to cling to it, they'll begin to heal more thoroughly without the relationship than they ever could have if it had lasted.

[–]xoites 30 points31 points ago

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Leave. Right now. Get off of Reddit. Pack your shit and walk out the door. Don't even say a word. Disappear. Scram. Vamoose!

Never contact this woman again. She is responsible for her actions. Not you.

Don't even worry if she is alive or dead. Don't look back.

Get out or throw your entire life away.

[–]catlebrity 28 points29 points ago*

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This is terrible advice. He needs to get out, but that's absolutely not the way to do it.

Dude, call a hotline. Talk to a professional. Talk to someone who actually knows something about these situations, not some random people on reddit. If you do what this guy says and she kills herself, you'll feel guilty the rest of your life. Get yourself some psychological help, and figure out a way to get her into treatment, even if this means calling the cops the next time she talks seriously about suicide so she can be taken in for evaluation.

EDIT: You may also want to call her family and/or friends to let them know what is going on.

[–]Alacard 10 points11 points ago

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I have to agree. For those of us on Reddit, this is a theoretical construct but for you this is a human being. I would highly recommend AGAINST anything that will set her off and I would recommend you seek professional help (police, hotline, etc.)

While it is easy to say "everyone is responsible for their own actions" your guilt can and will haunt you for the rest of your life if she does something to herself. That being said guilt shouldn't motivate you to do the right thing. While you might even hate her she is a human being and at some point, you thought quite highly of her (your girlfriend...)

Good luck bud

[–][deleted] ago*

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[–]AllTheKingsHorses 0 points1 point ago

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The thing is, she probably isn't suicidal. Most people that successfully kill themselves don't flaunt it. The rest are either totally incompetent or doing it for attention. I understand your sentiment but I have been in a similar situation as OP before and generally the only way to deal with a person ( who isn't actually suicidal) that is threatening suicide is to be stern and take a hard line. I don't know about pulling off the ninja move, that would pretty much devastate anyone who didn't see it coming, but all the sympathy and compassion is only rewarding her deviant behavior.

[–]catlebrity 1 point2 points ago

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She probably isn't. But "probably" isn't much comfort when you're dealing with matters of life and death. He needs to get help from a mental health professional who can help him deal with his own issues as well as help him deal with her, and get out of the relationship, in a way that will minimize the suicide risk.

I was in a similar situation. I was able to extract myself from it, but I did it with help.

[–]AllTheKingsHorses 0 points1 point ago

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He may or may not need help. That is as much a judgment call he needs to make as the judgment call as to whether she is really suicidal. If she is, he can't help her, he can only point her in the right direction. If she isn't then he is letting himself be used. Either way neither of them have anything to gain from the situation so the best he can do is inform her loved ones and walk away. Its the reality of the situation.

[–][deleted] ago

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[–]AllTheKingsHorses 0 points1 point ago

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At the end of the day her life is in her own hands. If she needs help, it is help that is WELL outside of his ability to give. Him sticking around isn't going to help anything for either of them. He might need counseling, he may just need to get out of a bad relationship. However, at the end of the day he needs to do what is best for him. He doesn't have to be mean, or cruel about it but he also doesn't owe her anything at this point. He has already given too much. Aside from mentioning the situation to her family or close friends he doesn't have any obligation to her. I understand the desire to help another human being who may try to take their own life, and desperate people do desperate things. That doesn't change the fact that he can't help her anymore. He needs to try to point her in the right direction (key word: try) and then wash his hands of the situation. She is clearly not in any state to have a healthy relationship so in reality the best thing he can do for her is leave. Again, I am not advocating cruelty, or indifference even, simply stating that at this point its really out of his hands.

[–]mrowmrif2 0 points1 point ago

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boring. just fucking man up and take care of shit. hotlines are for people who are suicidal, and you KNOW she's not about to call one. be strong. drop the bomb and leave her. she's an adult and can fend for herself.

[–]TastyCake123 7 points8 points ago

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As someone who has been in the same exact position as the OP I agree with xoites.

[–][deleted] ago

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[deleted]

[–]xoites 21 points22 points ago

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It is just a matter of survival. You are being blackmailed. That is immoral and obviously keeping you from having your own life. That leaves you with two choices: be a slave or go live.

[–]catlebrity 3 points4 points ago

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Uh, there's no question he needs to get out, but simply walking away is not the way to do it.

[–]AllTheKingsHorses 0 points1 point ago

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Only assuming she is actually suicidal and not say... a sociopath who is using threats of suicide to take advantage of her emotionally weak boyfriend. Its a judgment call he needs to make, and caution is not always the wisest way to proceed.

[–]catlebrity 1 point2 points ago

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He has no way to know. She is clearly using suicide threats in a manipulative way, but that doesn't mean she won't commit suicide. If he walks away and she kills herself, he will feel guilt the rest of his life.

He needs to get professional help, both for his own sake and so he can get some sensible, realistic advice on how to extract himself from the relationship while reducing the risk she will actually kill herself. It's not a question of "caution"; it's a question of doing what's right for both of them. Simply marching out of there is a bad idea for his sake as well as hers.

[–]AllTheKingsHorses 0 points1 point ago

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We seem to have parallel threads going. I replied to another one of yours already. I'll try to consolidate it there.

[–]FunkyHat112 1 point2 points ago

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The key to this is that she is responsible for her own actions. Things can make someone want to commit suicide, but the choice always lies with the actor. Always. I've been driven to the edge in the past, but I came back because it was my choice. If I had gone over, well, that would have been mine as well. No matter what happens, you shouldn't take responsibility for another person's choices.

[–]get_rhythm 0 points1 point ago

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As someone who has been in the same situation as the original poster, I disagree with you. She is responsible for her actions and he should leave her if he doesn't feel he can stay with her, but she also needs professional help and it would be irresponsible of him not get her professional help. If she doesn't do anything with it, it's her fault.

[–]Stoodius 2 points3 points ago

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Dude my girlfriend went through the same thing with her ex. He was crazy manipulative, basically made her feel real guilty for breaking up with him. First told her he was gonna kill himself, then he started telling her he had a heart disease. He guilted her into coming to see him one time a few months after they had broken up. He kept trying to have sex with her, told her he just wanted to eat her out own last time before he died. She didn't know whether to believe him or not, but felt incredibly guilty and bad for the psychopath so she lays there frozen like a statue. He tells her he wants to have sex with her, she says no a bunch of times and he just does it anyway as she just lays there. They dated for four years so I can't even fathom how that change from boyfriend to rapist nutjob must have made her feel. Long story short, don't let anyone victimize you by letting them play victim. People like that are simply pathetic and weak. (almost always too weak to actually do the deed). If she's holding herself hostage it's just a sham. Trust me, when i found out about this whole thing I told the kid he was never getting the girl back and that I would be his Kevorkian if he really wanted to die. The threats stopped right after.

[–]maverickps 2 points3 points ago

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I was in the same situation for two years until recently. My girl had no friends or social life outside of me and was depressed all the time, her life was not really going anywhere. I think we both knew that while we loved each other, we were not in the type of deep love that leads to marriage. I knew about 6 months in that I should probably get out as it was bad for her and for me. I was worried that left alone with her cats in her apartment i wouldn't hear from her for a few days and would get a call from her parents telling me she had killed herself. It was a scary situation for sure.

I tried being an asshole, that didn't work. I got a job where I went out of town all the time, that didnt work. I tried getting her to go out and meet friends, and that didnt work. I forcefully made her play Portal, then she got into HL2 and TF2. She even got into WoW for a few months, and I think she still plays. While it did lead to some good times for us, it only prolonged the fact of the matter that we were two people who did not belong together.

I tried being super nice, I tried being super strict. I tried being supportive and i tried not giving a shit about whatever she said. It got so bad it made me the asshole who cared so little about whatever she had to say that I had basically completely tuned her out in public to the point where i would cut her off mid sentence because my brain was processing whatever she said as just background noise and made me look like a dick in front of others.

Here is the solution I found, and it is two parts: set up something where they will be with friends or family. I kept telling mine she needed to probably live with her parents again until things got settled for her. 80% complete. Still couldnt break up with her tho because when you are buzzed on a saturday night and someone calls u and wants to jump your bones, its hard to say no, esp when they are your girlfriend.

Next, I started talking to other girls. Girls I have found are great motivators for guys by some quirk of evolution. It was clear as mud that this particular girl was interested in me, but the prospect in and of itself was enough to follow my dick AND be a gentleman at the same time. I told the old girl that it was over, we would never get married and I won't keep wasting her time. Now the old girl is presumably alive (i see her signed in most days) and doing ok. And I have moved on with getting much better at work and dating much better (maybe) women.

tl;dr tell her to move in with someone who is family and has to care for her; find a new girl who will motivate u to grow the balls needed to break it off with the old one.

[–]fallentree 2 points3 points ago

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Tell someone else so that they can support her. I'd tell her parents.

[–]takatori 1 point2 points ago

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I was living with a gf (college) who did this and I moved her back in with her parents.

[–]the_pin 1 point2 points ago

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The only way out of this thing, is to kill yourself instead. Pull the old switcharoo, or wait, maybe that is what is good for the goose is good for the gander? I don't even know what a gander is anyway...must be a goose that had the old switcharoo pulled on it.

Yeah, you definitely need to flip that shit up and commit suicide, see how she likes that shit...do it

[–]mrowmrif2 1 point2 points ago*

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Story time: I had a girlfriend like this through freshman/sophomore year in college... she'd get all weepy over the phone when i simply said i couldn't keep driving down to see her every weekend because i was burning all my cash on gas - i wasn't even breaking up with her, just asking for every other weekend! i put up with that "i can't go on without you; i need you here with me" horseshit for 6 months longer than i should have. then when i just couldn't take it anymore i called her bluff and hung up the phone.

audible sigh "Whatever." click

i didn't hear from her for awhile, then i went to see her over valentine's day (maybe 3 weeks later or so) - i even went as far as getting her a heart necklace to be nice... and then goodbye-fucked her. We didn't talk to each other again for many years. now i'm happily married and she's not dead - in fact, she's engaged to some other poor jackass, and she's done really well for herself after having moved on.

SO i advise the following: Don't be mean about it, just call her bluff. If she threatens to kill herself just leave or hang up and don't talk to her again. She doesn't love you. If she did she wouldn't put you through all the shit she has, and she certainly wouldn't try to keep you via guilt trip. Do her a favor and get both of you out of this hell of a relationship you've got going.

EDIT: I don't suggest the breakup sex. I told my brother to do the same to his cheating whore g/f and he ended up getting engaged to her right then and there the next time he saw her. /fail/ i did it because my situation allowed for it. plus i'm a dick, whereas you may not be.

[–]batttygirl 1 point2 points ago

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Ive been there. Im so so sorry you have to deal with it.
I called my BF's family, let them know we were breaking up, and they needed to keep an eye on my ex. I would get phone calls from him telling me how he was going to kill himself pretty frequently for a while. I ended that by going to where he was, getting him the car by telling him we were going to get coffee and talk. I then dropped him off at a hospital.
The funny part of the story is that I do archery, and the cops who met me at the hospital asked me if thats how he was going to kill himself. Im still not sure how someone would kill themselves with a bow and arrow. After that, I got no calls from him for a while, only updates from his family. He eventually called and thanked me.
Good luck. it sucks. PM me if you need anything.

[–]HomerWells 3 points4 points ago

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Don't leave me or I'll kill myself.

I don't care.

Don't leave me or I will make you feel intense guilt.

I don't care. You mistreat me.

Don't leave me or I will cry and make your life miserable forever and ever.

I don't care. You do that now. You will never change. that's why I'm leaving you.

But but but but I love you.

I don't care. Goodbye.

[–]mrowmrif2 0 points1 point ago

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But but but but I love you.

I don't care. Goodbye.

No you don't. Goodbye.

[–]catlebrity 1 point2 points ago

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Please do not listen to most of the advice here. She is manipulating you, and you need to get out, but that doesn't mean her threats are empty ones. Do whatever it takes to get her into some kind of treatment, even if it means calling the cops on her. Talk to a professional about this ASAP, like tomorrow, get more specific advice fro them. Call a hotline if you need a referral. You need help too, and the advice you're getting here is terrible, except for a few comments, like that of WitheredTree.

[–]JamEaterBlues 4 points5 points ago

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she threatens to kill herself and makes herself sick to dramatize it.

If she does this, the only person responsible for it will be her. Break up, and if she pulls this card, call her out on how abusive it is. Tell her that emotional abuse and manipulation has no place in a relationship, and whatever happens to her isn't your fault. Then leave and cut contact.

[–]bluequail 1 point2 points ago

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You let her. You leave her and she is free to do whatever she wants to do. You don't want to be in a relationship for that reason, I can promise (voice of experience here).

[–]acupoftea 1 point2 points ago

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To be honest, it's probably an empty threat. My friend dated a guy who had to be sent to a mental hospital for week because she didn't answer his calls for a week(not to be a bitch, he was just freaking her out by saying he loved her and wanted to be with her forever after dating for 2 weeks.). For some reason they stayed together for two years. She would tell me how when they would fight he would start hitting his head against a wall, pretend to pass out, then would "wake up" several minutes later and be like "What? What happened? What were we doing?" and threatening to cut off his dick because in his mind, sex was the reason their relationship was bad. Just ALL these crazy things. He, also, threatened to kill himself if she left him so she stayed in a miserable relationship for 2 years before she finally had enough and broke up with him. It's been 8 months and he never killed himself. I talked to him for awhile after and he kept saying he wanted to and making tons of little hints about it to the point where I almost called the police on him. But it was all an act. He just wanted attention. It's probably what she's doing. Break up with her and if she threatens to kill herself, call the police right then and there. It'll show her it's not something to joke about. She'll be fine in the long run.

[–]gregastory 0 points1 point ago

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I don't have any advice to add, but good luck: to the both of you.

[–]urbancamp 0 points1 point ago

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Dude - get out as soon as you can. I recently got out of this type of relationship after 2.5 years. It was madness! It was bad getting into it and bad getting out. I tried numerous times to break up and she just kept threatening to kill herself and/or change for the better. I did everything I could to get her to be better (therapy, better relationship with her own family, etc). It was all in vain because most of it was an act to tie me down. As soon as I left for good (3 months now) she went back to her self destructive self but has not killed herself. Just go and forget about her. It's easier said than done, but it needs to be. Move on and don't stick your dick in THAT much craziness again!

[–]freman79 0 points1 point ago

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She is manipulating you and you are letting her, it is never going to get better. If you really feel like she could kill herself, tell one of her friends or family what is going on. After that, break up with her. You're going to have to stay strong, this is an unhealthy relationship and you have to get out of it. You aren't responsible for her.

[–]waffleninja 0 points1 point ago

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Finish the job then.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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I don't have any advice to offer really, because everyone else in this thread, especially fishwish, covered all bases.

I'm really sorry to hear about the misery in your relationship, and the fear. In my relationship, I'm the one at risk for suicide, and my boyfriend stays with me too. We constantly work on him staying because he wants to, and not because I'll self-destruct if he leaves. (So far, so good!)

If she's not working on it, make sure others can watch her (call the police, her parents, etc.), then just get out of there. It's one thing for a couple to be in love while one has a problem, and another for a couple to exist through entrapment.

[–]ColdYogurt 0 points1 point ago

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Read The Sociopath Next Door.

Next time she threatens to kill herself, call 911 and tell them you think she's a threat to herself. If she's faking for attention, it'll become really obvious, and if she isn't she'll get the help she needs.

[–]psychminor01 0 points1 point ago

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If she threatens to kill herself, tell her you're calling the police to get her help if she's serious. If she says she's serious, call the police.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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If she really want to kill herself, she'll do it whether she's with you or not. Just dump abusive bitch. If she kills herself, get drunk and fucking celebrate, because you'll be free of her.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

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Leaf.

[–]ameoba 0 points1 point ago

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Dump the bitch now. If she threatens to kill herself, lock yourself in the bathroom and call the police.

[–]l_one 0 points1 point ago

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My mom did exactly this to my dad for something like 2 1/2 years. I almost killed myself from the stress (I was in high school at the time, not the most emotionally mature age to handle that) that she put us through and I know it wasn't healthy for my dad. She's divorced now and many states separated with all of my dad's retirement savings. To this day I still hate her for what she put us through and have broken all contact.

I only wish the divorce had happened sooner.

[–]AllTheKingsHorses 0 points1 point ago

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As far as practical advice as to how to do it... well you know her better than I do so that makes YOU the expert. I can tell you this however: If she is going to kill herself she is going to do with whether you are with her or not. The same holds true of the opposite. If you are really that worried all you can do is offer her some suicide prevention numbers. If she actually tries in front of you then call the cops, get her Baker acted and GTFO.

[–]Up-The-Butt_Jesus 0 points1 point ago

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So if she dies, does that make reddit an accessory to murder?

[–]crisskro 0 points1 point ago

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Had two ex girlfriends who tried this. I didn't care. It's not a legitimate threat anyway, and they didn't do it.

Also, I knew another girl who tried this with her boyfriend. She even took some pills to scare him. Good thing she took aspirin.

[–]fab13n 0 points1 point ago

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Aspirine OD can be dangerous.

Paracetamol OD is even worse.

I wonder how many people tried to stage a fake suicide attempt with those, then died of a fulminating hepatitis a couple of days later in hospital.

[–]crisskro 0 points1 point ago

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I don't think she took too many, she was fine. Still, they got back together and she cheated on him. Some people are just messed up.

[–]WitheredTree -2 points-1 points ago*

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I don't agree with most of the posts here - the fact is that people who say they are suicidal, often commit suicide. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2246136/ Our goal is not to let this happen, and at the same time find a solution for your problem. Do not just walk away - yet.

You, my friend, are an 'enabler' and you should read-up on this, as you are as much at 'fault' as she is. I don't have a solution, as your post is only one side of the conversation, and she might have an entirely different slant on your viewpoints. http://www.livestrong.com/article/14675-enabling-personality/

She needs help, you need help - both of you need to seek counseling immediately and I would suggest both of you going to emergency psychiatric.

[–]IgnoranceIndicatorMa 7 points8 points ago

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He doesn't bear equal fault to her, she bears a majority, at the very least, for her own life and her own decisions. Enabler or not he has a life to live, and it's not hers.
There's no both about it, he needs to do whats best for him and getting away from this poison, rather then going to therapy and keeping the manipulative negative presence in his life for god knows how long therapy keeps him there. He doesn't need counselling, she does. He needs to help himself first, and only when he's on secure grounding can he even think about putting this much emotional and mental energy and turmoil into helping someone else.

[–]catlebrity 1 point2 points ago

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I agree completely. I was in a similar situation. You need to get her psychiatric help, immediately. And get counseling for yourself.

[–]fishwish 0 points1 point ago

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the fact is that people who say they are suicidal, often commit suicide.

False fact. Read it again. Most people who commit suicide say they are suicidal. The author was using a bit of word play there. Most people who say they want to kill themselves do not commit suicide. Don't scare the kid with false facts.

Also, if you think he is an enabler, then he needs to get the fuck away from her and let professionals help. Staying with her only reinforces the idea that "suicide threat"="boyfriend"

He can't help and should not continue to be held hostage. Not that there is anything he can do to help anyway but get the heck out of there and report it to her parents & authorities so she has a chance of getting treatment.

Edit: Don't believe either me or WitheredTree. Visit r/suicide. The enabler in these scenarios almost always gets dragged down with the one threating suicide.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

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I sort of wonder if anyone would be advocating seeking help for the ex before breakup if the genders were reversed in this situation.

[–]fishwish 0 points1 point ago

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I wouldn't. Male/female doesn't matter. Hang out on r/suicide and see what they say.